In his book On Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers refers to Kierkegaard. “He points out that the most common despair is to be in despair at not choosing, or willing, to be oneself; but that the deepest form of despair is to choose ‘to be another than himself‘. On the other hand ‘to will to be that self which one truly is, is indeed the opposite of despair‘, and this choice is the deepest responsibility of man“.
Who are you really? Who do you want to look like really? Is that you?
As I often observe, this tension is indeed a very critical element of people’s well being. Many dysfunctions of individuals can be explained by this gap between who they are and who they want to be.
And it is a choice for each of us. We can choose to stay the way we’ve been raised when other people were shaping us and maybe transferring their expectations upon ourselves. We can choose to try to fit so completely in society’s expectations. Or we can choose to be ourselves, which has some advantages regarding the congruence of our actions; avoids deep despair; but can be quite stressful in a social context.
Indeed it could be our deepest responsibility to make this fundamental choice: do we choose to be ourselves?
Ponder this choice for a moment. Be honest with yourself.
What did you choose?
