“This research has taught me that if we really want to practice compassion, we have to start by setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their behavior” writes Brene Brown in her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’.
She continues, “Setting boundaries and holding people accountable is a lot more work than shaming and blaming. But it’s also much more effective. Shaming and blaming without accountability is toxic“.
What appears initially as very counter-intuitive gets explained in that last sentence. It also illustrates that real compassion is hard work.
What is really compassion? According to Wikipedia it is ‘the act of going out of your way to help physical, spiritual, or emotional hurts or pains of another’. Doing this movement without setting accountability is certainly toxic for ourselves first, and for the other person in need as well on the longer term. We need to set our boundaries and enforce them.
Next time you feel compassionate, ask yourself where your boundary should be, and hold the other accountable.
