The ‘Harvard’ way of negotiating advises to separate the person from the problem. It appears it is possibly not the most effective way of negotiating and that negotiating on an emotional basis may be more effective. I really recommend reading the book ‘Never split the difference: negotiating as if your life depended on it‘ by Chris Voss, which is extremely enlightening. Chris Voss is a top FBI negotiator with international exposure who has become something of an authority in the field of negotiation.
His basic observation is that emotional work is more important than rational approach in negotiation. However, “Until recently , most academics and researchers completely ignored the role of emotion in negotiation . Emotions were just an obstacle to a good outcome , they said . “ Separate the people from the problem ” was the common refrain“. Since the early 2000s this view is shifting, albeit quite slowly.
Good negotiators create emotion, are excellent active listeners, and label emotions to move forward to resolution. Again, this shows how in our modern world rational approaches find their limits in the real world (see previous post ‘How We Need to Consider Heartset as well as Mindset‘).
In negotiations as in other aspects, emotional work is the key to success. Let’s never forget the personal connection and emotional work is needed in all situations even in the most tense like a touch negotiation.
